Beauty Marks

Ever since God impressed on my heart to get back to this blog and then confirmed it in a dreamlike state for me last night (yeah, I can't believe that still happens either...but no seven cows or heads of corn or anything like that), I have been filled to the brim with joy and excitement for whatever He is at work doing. I am learning so much about trusting in Him and His timing, and what obedience to Him looks like. But more on that another time.

This evening, let's get right to the raw stuff. Because life is too short, YOLO, and all of that.

So my whole life, one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp about God has been His personal love for us individually. I use the pronoun us, but I really mean me.

And the reason I say me is because it comes naturally for me to look at others and see their beauty and where God has blessed them. I see people worthy of love. I see beautiful faces, distinguishing gifts, and spine-chilling talents that are difficult to describe but are unmistakably a direct send from heaven. I marvel at His creation and the people that He has placed all around me. But as is so often the unfortunate case, when we think of ourselves, we see a different picture. We don't see the indelible mark of our Creator on our own person.

Maybe it's because society tells us to see our specialness is to be egotistical. Maybe it's because no one ever told us we were special. Maybe we had something happen to us that spoke the lie to our heart that we weren't worthy and meant to be loved, even if we never heard the words. Maybe we've experienced another traumatic life event that has blinded us to the glory of God in a personal way.

For years I struggled with who God made me to be. At times I still do. I fought against what are simply facts about myself and how I was made, and instead of praising Him for making me different and for the various unique marks he gave me that made me special, I lamented over what I deemed to be ugly or unattractive; things I was convinced wouldn't delight others, and would surely only result in my own rejection and failure as a woman.

So I tried to fight my perceived flaws. Through methods both drastic and seemingly miniscule, I tried to work against my natural canvas of the Lord. I developed complexes. Receiving what should have been a meaningless comment from someone that was unintentionally laced with a "trigger" or "buzz" word had the power to not only ruin my day, but send my thoughts down a negative spiral indefinitely. So I tried whatever methods were in my control to stifle or change myself. Always to my own detriment. Always punishing myself either in negative self talk or action (or both) for being who God made me to be.

As I look back now, I am mortified by not only how disrespectful this was to the Lord, but also how selfish.

Not just for the obvious reason that when we fixate on our flaws we are focusing way too much on ourselves. But also because this self hatred and obsession trickles over to those we love. When we suffer, when we think we don't measure up, it is amazing the Domino effect of sin that can spring up as a result.

Bitterness for being who we are.
Jealousy for others who don't have our "problem".
Having an unkind spirit toward others, often lashing out in fear at the ones we love and cherish most.

It goes on.

But God has a way of guiding us into all truth by the power of the Holy Spirit (John 16:13). And while in the thick of my problems I couldn't tell you how the power of evil was going to be broken in my life, I can now see that God allowed specific circumstances, instances, conversations, and people into my life (some certainly painful) to gently and lovingly guide me toward a truth that I wish I had somehow magically grasped all along:

I was made specifically and intentionally, and I was made for Him.

If you had asked me back then if I knew that truth to be well, true, I would have emphatically answered yes, of course I did. But just because we know the truth doesn't mean we live the truth. Walking the walk only comes with maturity, life experience, and the strength and encouragement of our Heavenly Father as He guides us along and gives us that desire. 

If you are getting bogged down by the world and its criticisms tonight, or if you are the one constantly berating yourself - I can't sit here and tell you exactly how to get out of the hole you are in. But what I can tell you is that the lies you are telling yourself and all the striving you are doing to be something you are not is not God's will for your life. And I can direct you to what God's own word has to say about the specialness of you.

¹³ For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

¹⁷ How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
¹⁸ If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

(Psalm 139:13-18, emphasis mine)

You can choose to lay down your burdens at the foot of the cross of Jesus. You don't need to be at war with yourself any longer. Jesus invites you to rest.
 And with a parting thought I would like to add another important and crucial thing here: your special is not others' special. It is a constant and cyclical thing to dress in certain ways, like certain things and brands, believe certain ideas, and laugh at the same kind of trending articles and videos on the internet. The pressure to fit the mold and standard of "cool" might even vary depending on where you live. Quite honestly, this game we play has made me feel inadequate more times than I'd even like to admit. 

Can I urge you not to consider those things?

If you're a constantly battling skeptic like me, you're reading this (if you got this far) and saying "Yeah yeah...it's the inside that counts, we all know. We've heard it all before." And I agree. We have. That phrase is so trite and so oft-repeated that it has lost nearly all of its meaning on us. 

I am taking the concept a step further. I am not merely suggesting that God's particular mark on you is just for fun and giggles to make you a special little flower (though you are a special little flower). I am suggesting that you are special for specific reasons. Maybe your nose is the way it is because your future spouse is going to love that the most about you and find it endearing. You have long and gangly legs because you are going to glorify God through basketball. Your high-pitched voice makes up for your lack of sense of direction and makes you distinguishable in a crowd when you're calling out to your friends at a sporting event. God is so far-reaching, and so beyond able to do "exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Ephesians 3:20). I don't know what your specific "thing" or hang up is. But God knows why He gave you whatever it is you are cursing. And the great thing is, the story isn't over. You may not know every answer right now. At this very moment, God might be preparing you to reach millions of people because of your beautiful mark. OFTEN we don't know what God is up to, and that's okay. He'll show you in His timing if you commit your life to walking with Him.

And when you do? Prepare for the best and most fulfilling adventure. Though we may not know what specifically He has in store, we CAN trust in the Creator's masterful hand and the depth of His knowledge, wisdom, and plan for us. And I think that's exciting.

I pray that God gives you a tender and open heart to hear His truth and to receive His specific love for you today. That He gives you eyes to see that how He made you was intentional. That you feel confident enough to hold your head up high as the child of God that you are, and to embrace all that He is about to do in your life - using all of the broken and beautiful parts of you, not just in spite of them.

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⁷ But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us. (2 Corinthians 4:7)

⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)