Displaced Loyalties

There are few things more frustrating than when someone gets you all wrong, and there’s no convincing them otherwise. It could be about the most trivial of things, but in that moment, based on that judgment, an entire assessment is made of your character. What could you possibly say more than “That’s not true!” and “You’re so wrong about that!”, if you are to even attempt to say anything at all?

When this happens, immediately the pressure builds in the sinuses and throat, and all you wish to do is cry. But you can’t. So now not only can you not defend yourself, but all hopes of relief are futile.

Then your mind clicks over into this frightening and detached numbness of a new gear. Thoughts of “how to fix this” and ways in which you can now appease the accuser, even betray yourself and agree with them, or simply and desperately try to distract and move on, all take place inside your brain. At that point, since nothing seems as though it can be done, you need to move on, away from this death trap, lest you become undone.

You feel humiliated, and betrayed, and most significant of all, you no longer trust. No one is safe. You thought this person was. This person who, despite your best wishes, you fear knows you best. But the self cannot be succumbed to this person any more. Suddenly thoughts of “how many more times will this cycle continue” flood through, a haunting remembrance that you’ve walked this street before.

You allow this person’s fear of losing you as their own and their desire to “preserve” you to stunt all hopes of your own freedom. Though no judgment is your agreement, judgment abounds. If cornered and asked if they held the reins tightly on your life, the answer would be no, of course not. They are  their own person. They can make their own decisions. But of course the invisible cords strangle, choke, and bind you to their power.

And all of this from the person who professes that no other’s words are more important to their souls than their Creator’s. Their Creator. What would He have to say about this?

Is it at all possible that the accuser is telling you the truth? Truth that is so vile to your ear and so repellant to your soul that you instead choose anger, defense, and resentment as your silent and internal rebuttal?

Or is that reflection of circumstance onto your own shortcomings merely manipulation at it’s absolute finest, mind games at their absolute and utmost destruction?

The words he spoke alone said one simple, biting thing to your heart, but the subtext was an even harsher potion to swallow:

 “You disgust me, and you are worthless. And don’t you dare ever think otherwise, lest you be an absolute greater fool than you already are.”

Satan lies. Choose to passionately resist him for all the rest of your days.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 

[1 Peter 5: 8-9]

Normopa-what?

As I was sitting here listening to Beyonce belt face off with fervor, I got to thinking.

(Yeah, this post was inspired by Sasha Fierce. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways, okay?!)

But hear me out. It really has nothing to do with Beyonce. Her sweet, sweet riffs and all-encompassing female power really just got me thinking about this very special group of women from my church I occasionally get the opportunity to meet with. Every time I attend our gatherings I simply cannot help but notice how each friendly face that arrives in the coffee shop on Thursday morning is so beautiful and special in their own individual way, and how they are always eager to share something wonderful to contribute to the group. Each week, these women come to the table to offer everything on their hearts and minds, including where they are at in their intimate and personal journey with God. Pretty fearless, wouldn't you agree?

So there I was, thinking about these exceptional women and singing with old pal Beyonce in my own extra delusional Grammy performance, and something occurred to me. Y'know something that Beyonce does on stage that we don't all do more often in life? She oozes confidence and conviction in whatever it is she happens to be singing and swangin' that hair about. If Beyonce does this about the content of her love songs, why don't we pull on our figurative spandex and confidently declare the life-altering news of our faith for all to see, hear, and consider on a regular basis? Why don't we practice such bravery and risk appearing vulnerable and weird?

Well for one thing, we generally speaking, are a really petrified people.

We, generally speaking, care more about reporting back to other mere human beings and pleasing them, instead of checking in with the One who created these people to begin with and also happened to establish all semblance of order, morality, and everything else we can see or imagine.

Logically, that makes NO sense.

But we do this because people are tangible. They are physical matter in space and time, with lots and lots of opinions about who we are and what we should be. If we don't maintain the proper perspective, it can become incredibly easy to give more focus to the incessant and audible voices of others than to the only opinion that actually matters--that of our just, loving, and yes, invisible God.

I suppose that's why the writer of Hebrews refers to faith as

"...being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." (Hebrews 11:1)

Because without putting any fancy-shmancy terminology attached to it, what it all boils down to is this:

Having and maintaining faith is DIFFICULT.

Being humans with five senses, we respond completely and naturally to everything that these senses experience. We also like things accessible to us, immediate for use, ready-made. Big Mac from the drive-through, please.

Of course fries included. What planet are you from?

But the thing is, what we carry around with us-- God's incredible promises, His hope, the Good News about His Son-- is nothing to be hidden away in the recesses of our minds or hearts, or to think about on a rainy day. It was meant to be shared. In Jesus' often-discussed Sermon on the Mount, He tells the crowd of listeners

“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

Perhaps you're afraid of drawing any special attention to yourself when it's so much easier just to do the "socially appropriate" thing by keeping your mouth shut. I very much hear you and relate to you. Who wants to be "that" person? Did you know that there is actually a special word used to describe our emotional state when we let fear rule our public behavior?

Normopothy } the idea of normopothy describes people who are so focused on blending in and conforming to social norms that it becomes a kind of mania. A person who is normotic is often unhealthily fixated on having no personality at all, and only doing exactly what is expected by society.

Maybe those who are keeping their mouths shut don't have a firm enough belief in anything substantially worthy enough to proclaim. Or heck, maybe they do. But how wonderful would it be if you were the one to talk to them about forgiveness and Jesus in a way that they finally understood for the very first time in their life?

I've heard it said that something we should often consider is that we may very well be the only Bible some will ever read.

Don't think of that as some ridiculously hefty responsibility; think of it as a privilege and a joy. Sharing your faith in Christ is, after all, what you were called to do, isn't it?

So? Chat it up! Be proud of your faith. It is earth-shattering and heaven-blessed. And you can trust that the Holy Spirit will give you the strength and the words you need to share what you believe. (Matthew 10:20)

Come on now, don't be shy. Would THIS GIRL keep quiet?

Impossible.

The OCD Effect

Where do you place your trust?

"My career ensures security for my family."

"My best friends mean the world to me. They always get me through a bad break-up."

"Well, I have a Golden Retriever that's really amazing..."

Okay. That's fair. But I mean with your life.

"No, really, Sparky would save me from a burning building.."

Have you ever seen that show True Life on MTV? For those of you that haven't, True Life is a documentary-style show that focuses each episode on a different issue going on in the lives of a few different people, and follows them as their situations progress. Really interesting stuff. Perhaps one of the most compelling episodes was the one about Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

If you have or know anyone that has had OCD, you know that it can be an absolute prison for those suffering from the disease. One of the men being followed on True Life had to put deodorant on in a very precise way, and even kiss his girlfriend who he was living with goodbye a series of times, needing to get it "right" before he would let her go to work. His OCD had gotten to the point where it was not only holding himself captive to its power over him, but also allowing it to trickle over to someone he cared deeply for. Can you imagine that?

I can. I used to treat God that way.

I grew up in a denomination of Christianity that fostered feelings of guilt for sins committed, and required a series of certain actions from you before these sins could be absolved. It taught that entrance into heaven was based more on how many good works you do than accepting and believing in what Jesus did for us on the cross to cleanse us of our sins.

And that mindset is hard to get rid of. Suddenly the tender and loving Father of the Bible becomes nothing more than the Grand Judge, the Great Critic. I professed with my lips my belief in His love without believing that same blessed reality in my heart.

Is this you? Let me show you what this type of obsessive-compulsive faith looks like:

• Repeated prayers, not due to the overflow of concern for your or someone you care about's well-being, but because you feel as though the only way to "win God over" to your side in the matter is through asking Him for things incessantly.
• The silent thoughts of "This -insert loving Biblical truth here- doesn't apply to me, that applies to a real Christian."
• Setting impossible goals for yourself that you know you can't achieve.
• Obsessing over past mistakes/sins.
• Selective memory - choosing to remember negative situations instead of positive ones.

Are you exhausted and defeated after reading that list? Because I sure was exhausted living that way.

Now read something just a little TOO good to be true:

"...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."-Romans 3:23-24

Except it isn't too good to be true. It's 100% true.

And because it's true, we don't have to complete some large algebra equation in order to gain approval and access to God. And no hokey-pokey dancing or mindless prayer repetitions will ensure His blessing in our lives, either. He is not a genie, He is our Heavenly Father. To put it simply, He knows what's best for us, and we do not. His insight, His power, and His omniscience are all much too vast for our limited minds to comprehend. That is why it would really behoove us to simply unclench our jaws and just 

GIVE EVERYTHING OVER TO HIM ALREADY.

I don't know who this guy is. But he definitely needs to.

When we don't accept that Jesus' death on the cross is enough to cover our sins and imperfections, it would really be just as bad as if we were to deny a drink of water from someone when we were suffering from dehydration in the middle of a desert. We are in effect saying to Jesus, "Thanks anyway Lord, but I got this covered."

Sound ridiulous? It is. We would be absolutely crazy not to accept such a mind-blowing gift of mercy and grace.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast." -Ephesians 2:8-9

And all we have to do is ask for it. When we believe in Him, we can trust in Him. And when we trust in Him, we can let go of our death grip on life, and finally -finally!- experience His peace.

So whatcha waiting for?

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.” -Deuteronomy 31:6

Trust in Him. He loves you too much to let you spin out of control.