Wait, that's not how that goes.
But does anyone else feel this way? The extra side dish of emotions part mainly, though the allergy struggle is real for some people. But back to the emotions. As I stepped out to run (of course, because one would think it is my only reference point) I was overcome with hope in the most cliche way imaginable. My legs felt fresh after a day of rest, I felt the sun on my face in what felt like the first time in years. I felt God's warmth in boundless ways and in general I just felt so extremely open to the world around me. It was a wonderful feeling, to sum it all up in inadequately underwhelming terms.
If I was a different type of person I would probably say something to the effect of: I put all of my good energy out into the world and I just felt that the world would give it right on back to me.
Now I personally don't believe or think that the world itself gives us things any more than my elbow gives me the gift of sleep because it bends the right way on Thursdays. But I would guess that how I felt for those moments today is similar to that type of belief system. I felt so synchronized with God in that moment, so connected and in tune with His heart and the Savior's love, even if I couldn't tack that down or put it into words. It was as if I felt the kindness of the slightest hint of a whisper of an inkling from Him that everything would be okay and good, and right.
The moment was fleeting. That's real life. That's humanity. That's us finding our own ways to break our harmony with our Creator and spoil things. But of course, God knows and understands and even wills that we don't stay too elevated in an unrealistic way for too long. We tend to forget Him up there.
I started to get tired, my music was boring me, I skipped songs one too many times on Spotify so I was now resigning my workout to Elton John's "Your Song" (which, while beautiful, wasn't motivating me to break any Olympic world records any time soon).
But we learn when we come back down from our lofty places. Soon, despite the day that was still beautiful, the gratitude and happiness I was feeling shifted to insecurity and racing thoughts and confusing emotions that weren't necessarily bad, but distracting. I felt more or less bombarded in a way that is difficult to describe. It was seemingly uncaused and un-triggered, and just sort of crippling in its own sort of way. It's nothing crazy, and I have some ideas about what it is. A potential idea is that I think being in a captivating culture can delay or postpone our experiencing things in real time, and if we do that enough for whatever our reason might be, be it intentional or experiential, it can all sort of mount up over time. Maybe my calm from the day made me relaxed enough to let the figurative floodgates open. I'm not sure. This kind of thing has happened to me since I was little. I get a little overwhelmed with emotions and don't know quite what to do with them. Of course back then, I probably just imitated Celine Dion or Cher to my father to let out some energy, but I digress.
I didn't do that this time.
-the world collectively applauds-
-Joey's dignity(?) remains intact-
But what I did end up doing was muster up enough sense to quickly mutter:
"Lord, take these thoughts and feelings. Sort them. Help give me a calm and clarity about them. Use the energy of the frenzy for your good and not my sabotage."
And it occurred to me that sometimes that's all you have to do. While I had a lot of questions and excitements and wonderings that I didn't have conclusions or answers to, and while there were and are needs I was feeling that weren't met in that instant, I focused on what I did know, which was that Jesus could help me with them. As both a man and our Lord, I knew that Jesus had felt everything I was experiencing and more, and understood what I needed to do to cope with and process it all. Of course, I personally didn't bring myself to His feet in that impulse to pray. I can't give myself that much credit. But He knew and He planted that thought, knowing it would be for my best, and He summoned me to pray that prayer. Because that is His kindness.
Soon after that, I wasn't all that overwhelmed anymore. It wasn't immediate, and because I was running I almost didn't even realize the transition. Elton John asked me numerous times if I minded if he told everyone that this was my song, I said no of course not but thank you for asking, and I carried out the rest of my day feeling peaceful and well.
Prayer isn't a magic pill, but it is an inexplicable joining together of our earthbound selves and the heavenly places of our Lord when we speak with Him. It isn't a quick fix, but it is an entrance into the majesty and hidden things of God's kingdom. And where the Lord is, there is not only freedom, but there is power, and there is ability where there once was none to be found within us. It brings us to a vulnerable position before our Father to remind us of where we stand before and in relation to all that He is. It reminds us in our overwhelmed moments how much we need Him. That we can't go this thing alone -- not even a simple run on some days.
I don't know what it is about the changing of seasons specifically that can do this to a person. Maybe it isn't the seasons at all. But whatever it is, it's kind of wonderful. With a new season in the world we are also given a new season and gift of life on this earth. A new season with freedom to worship, freedom to walk out our front door and run. These are blessings not all are guaranteed. I am encouraged and inspired by days like today where I know that whatever new and exciting things await, or even whatever overwhelming and plentiful feelings I feel, He is with me and guiding me and helping me manage them. And because I know He's with me, that's never a scary thing.
If you feel overwhelmed right now, remember you can ask God to give you grace for each moment, for each second, for each inhale. There is no shame in that, nor disgrace. These are often the times that shape us most, and it all depends on what we do with them. Though we so easily forget, we are beings that have been created to need Him.
Always remember that the Lord desires communion with us, and He is happy to oblige as we look to Him for strength. Jesus died so we could.
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"13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." (1 Corinthians 10:13)
"5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:5)
