Our Gentle Guide

What about the time in between?

It can feel like being blindfolded by a friend, by someone you trust, and all around you, eyes open or closed, it is dark. All you remember is that you just came from somewhere else. You were getting by, or so you thought. But here you are, seized unexpectedly, and now you're walking and stumbling in a different direction, guided by their lead. You're disoriented, you're unsure of the grand picture here, but you hear, muffled through the blindfold also covering your ears, the near-giddy excitement in the voice of your friend at the happy spectacle of it all. You recognize those sounds. They are home to you. And in that moment, you are instantly calmed.

It is the feeling that you have as you're in that darkness, after you were taken and before you are freed, waiting for the time when finally, finally, the blindfold will be uncovered and you can open your eyes and truly see. You know that much will be clear when there is light. But for now, you're confused and expectant and maybe even a little perturbed for a time; most definitely a little uneasy and incredibly vulnerable and exposed.

In the midst of your fears you are reminded that you were not harshly abducted; you are being lovingly guided by a friend that you happily chose. You are not where you once were, but where you are going promises only to be richer. And to know these things is to know enough that will sustain you. To feed on these truths will provide the nourishment you need. The hands that steadily steer your shoulders are good, able, and equipped for the task.

It's the middle time. It's a strange time. It can be a sad time, a complete array of varying emotional responses. In hindsight it may end up being one of the fullest times of your life. It is here you are recklessly abandoned to trust with a faith and hope and ferocity that you didn't realize was in your depths of being. There is refreshingly no room for pretense. You are rugged. You are stripped down. Your life that you once protected is simply not your own.

So until that blindfold comes off - whatever that might mean and whenever that might be - you decide that the best and only thing to do is to allow yourself to take the time to lift your heels out of the mud. To no longer resist your path with the things you deem better or best. To develop new legs for walking in this darkness so you can effectively navigate. To learn to be comfortable here, to rest a while, until you are no longer here, but there.

And once you do those things, you begin to find and experience a deep and lasting joy, because you know that you're loved and accepted, even in this uncertain place. You begin to train your ears to listen for that sweet and comforting Voice when it calls to you. You begin to understand more deeply Who it is that is calling. You gradually become ever-ready, ever-hopeful, ever-vigilant, and ever-humbled. You enter in to your own beautiful transition, walking with your gentle Guide.

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²¹ And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. (Isaiah 30:21)

The Lord makes firm the steps
of the one who delights in him;

though he may stumble, he will not fall,
for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

               (Psalm 37:23-24)

Let Him Do It

Pull up a chair. Oh, you're sitting already? There goes that endearing intro.

Raise your hand if you're tired.

Are you? I am. And I know, there's ironically nothing more exhausting than hearing someone say they're tired. It's a lot like hearing someone say they're bored. You can't do much with it, and the conversation sort of goes into the land of awkward pauses.

But I am tired. And maybe you are too.

I don't mean the kind of tired you are when you are sleep-deprived; though that never does help. No, there's a deeper fatigue I'm talking about, even more than the physical. It's a fatigue of the will, a fainting of your spirit. And you know, the thing about striving too much and too long with our inner man is that oftentimes, at least for me, we aren't even necessarily aware when we are doing it.

All you do know is that you're tired. And a quick scan of the ol' age says you're probably too young to be so tired.

For a long time, I (and I am sure many of you) have gotten used to/lived in a series of microcosms where it was all based on how you appeared. Physically, socially, whatever. Because for some reason, that is mankind's fixation. We are a people obsessed with the lives of others, and most of that is how they appear and perform. On TV, in real life, in our imagination. We think up ideal situations and unrealistic standards for ourselves and our circumstances, and never forgive ourselves if we fall short of what we decide those to be. This is seen in pretty much any social setting anywhere, at any age, at any time.

For example, as an actor, I'd say most of the time the way you look is never right for someone, never enough another. Perfect for the next. The truths and typing are shallow, sometimes necessary, usually confusing, always consuming.

Or even being a member of a certain family, a part of a certain culture even -- perhaps certain family members have their own opinions of you and your life, and some of them will be really vocal about it. Maybe your job is displeasing to them. Maybe your weight, maybe your features, your spouse or significant other.

You have your own standards for yourself, too. No one can tell you comparison is the thief of all joy and have it mean something to you when you're in the thick of feeling like a mess.

Of course, it extends beyond the physical. If you are a part of a church, maybe you're inadvertently slipping into the Pharisee. It happens often. You're all of a sudden too aware of things like giving, attendance, serving, extra-curricular gathering with other people. Is it too much, too little? Okay okay you're doing it, but are you doing it well? Oh, you think so? Really? Do others think you are, too?

There's the social. Am I coming across a certain way? Does that person like me? Why don't they like me?

Does it matter?

Really. Does it matter? 

Does any of it matter?

Well, kind of, yes. And I say that in the name of honesty. It matters because it totally consumes our minds, and anything that detracts from having our priorities on God and away from ourselves matters. I'm not going to talk about how all of that stuff is "so shallow, amirite?" even though it is. Even if it's literally wrong to do. We all know that already. We KNOW we shouldn't care about what anyone other than our Lord thinks about the kind of people we are. But at the end of the day, we all consider this stuff. We all are bothered by what someone has said to us, what we perceive someone thinks of us. We all wonder if we were a little more this, if we were a little less that, would we get the things we want? Would we be happy then? We all kick ourselves. We all are so ashamed for repeating mistakes, for falling short. Man, am I sick of the ever-elusive "falling short".

1 Samuel 16:7 says

⁷ But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”

Whether or not you knew that verse, you do know it. We've all read this either literally or heard something like it figuratively, loosely, or implied. We know the truth in the verse with our minds, but to know something with our heads doesn't mean you actually know it.

I'm not going to tell you to just stop doing what you're doing. It's all much harder than that. Besides, if it were that easy, I would have told myself and this would have been a shortblogpost.com. But I can tell you to just pause for one second. I can tell you to just straight up laugh at what you're doing to yourself, if you are able. To find the humor in the absurdity of running on a hamster wheel to nowhere.

What I will say is: just rest a while, will you? Allow the grace of God to cover you. You don't have to give in to the manic thoughts and endless nerves time and time again. Ask Him to deliver you. Start again tomorrow. His mercies really are new every morning, and so is the strength He will give you to fight whatever inner battles you are facing. You don't have to tear yourself apart every single day. It's really, really true. You have to be obedient to the Lord, and you have to trust that He will guide you. Even if you don't fully embrace that truth yet. Walk in it. Because He will guide you. He promises He will.

The thing I'm learning is, He will bless or He won't, and there's not much you can do about it but just keep the course. He is sovereign, and He has plans for your life that you are just not privy to. Does this mean we have license to slack off? No, never do that. Mostly because it's disrespectful, prideful, assuming, and you learn nothing from it. God cannot speak to you in that heart place of recklessness. The false freedom of it is a really lonely place to be. We need to enter in to the faith journey with Him.

It's a conscious and intentional thing. Consciously always do what you know God's Word says, as He helps you to do it. Consciously always live your life in a way that is a pleasing aroma to the One who made you. Always be "your utmost for His highest". Intentionally. Why? Because you can be. Because He calls you to be. That should be our driving force. That should be our holy mania. That should be what gets us going, what causes us to leap from bed each morning (Okay, possibly-maybe unrealistic...causes us to spritely awaken? Not hit snooze? Insert whatever applies here.).

When you're going down the rabbit hole of "not good enough" (we all know the one) , just rest. Allow yourself to mentally rest from that torture. Literally and figuratively, give yourself a breather to just soak in God's presence, whatever that looks like for you. God will show you what He has for you. God will bring those to you He's meant to. He will take you where He needs you to go and open doors no man can shut.

But it will be Him that does it. It will never be you.

If that was relieving and comforting for you to hear, it was meant to be. But if you're anything like me, it's hard to process. If you want to know my advice, dear friend, it is this:

Rest,

Trust,

STOP,

Pray,

Laugh at yourself (in the kind way),

But really above all, and whatever "it" is,

let Him do it.


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¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.” (Exodus 14:14)