The Gifts You're Given

It's really hard to step up to bat.

There's that whole introvert/extrovert hot topic nowadays, which I feel in part relates to this idea - about how different kinds of people respond to different interactive situations and process their thoughts/what happens to them based on their personality types. While I'm not totally into these labels since I think we're all a mixture of both, I definitely understand it all. My brother and I are two polar opposite examples of this, for example. We're proof it exists to some degree.

(Hi Michael! If you're not reading this it's fine really it's okay I'm not bitter.)
(Hi Dad! He's definitely reading.)

But like I said, I think the conversation only goes so far. Life is always going to twist and turn in such a way where there will come a time and a place when we're all called to present ourselves - introvert or extrovert. There is always going to be an occasion in life where we need to "put ourselves out there"and be seen and heard. Many even.

A presentation at work or in class. A first impression. An interview, an audition. A business letter, an important email.

All of this requires stepping up to bat, so to speak. But what about when it's more of a choice to do so? What about the times when you personally are deciding to create something - maybe even art?

What happens when you feel that part of your purpose in this life is to reach others through making things - be it music or art or writing or anything else - but you have to battle the inner critic (or evil accusor) lurking about all the time daring you not to? What if you're kind of an extrovert-introvert?

I'm writing this because I often find myself either consciously or subconsciously grappling with this each time I write a blog post. It's something I struggle with, more with writing than performing believe it or not (but definitely performing also), and I just feel like it's more universal than we might think when we're alone in the quiet of our rooms hanging out with our insecurities. When we're staring at a blank page, looking in the mirror, practicing a piece, or crumpling our papers and throwing them in the trash.

The other day, a good friend of mine expressed to me how whenever they attempt to write something, they ultimately disregard it because they're afraid that no one would really be interested in what they had to say.

That statement broke my heart.

I think it broke my heart because this person is really fantastic. She excels so much in the handful of passions I know her to have, and I would so love to also be able to read and see what new and unexpected other things she put out into the world as well. And it made me think of the possible countless others who feel the same way she does every day, all over the world, and the gifts they too don't feel the most comfortable presenting to others. It also broke my heart because though I may ultimately suppress that feeling she described myself when I hit publish on these posts now, I spent many years ignoring God's nudges to write, or half-committing. I still face that problem all the time. And though none of us really like to talk about it, I know very well the ugly thing that lies beneath our problem of not sharing our gifts.

It's the unwelcome friend that won't go away.

Our battle within ourselves and against ourselves - our battle with the ever-elusive "other".

The "other" is whoever it is you're afraid of judging you. Because that's what this all is, isn't it? Fear of rejection. Fear of aloneness. Fear of failure. Fear of offending. Fear that whoever receives our gift won't deem it good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, or pleasing enough. Fear that we will fall short of reaching the invisible standard of acceptance in all of its various and deceiving forms.

One of my favorite verses is 2 Timothy 1:7 :

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

I love it because it reminds me (and quickly) of some crucial facts.

1. God and fear don't mix.
2. Which means if you are afraid, that is from the evil one.
3. But not to worry, because God allows us to replace it with BOOM power, love, and a sound mind.

That wasn't supposed to read as boom-power, by the way...but more like BOOM! POWER! Although I would like a bottle of boom-power anyway moving on.

One of the books I'm currently reading is a book by Cheryl Brodersen which I highly recommend called When A Woman Lets Go of Her Fears. In one of the chapters, Cheryl describes the difference between a healthy fear and irrational fear. I won't go into too much detail about that, because I feel like we all know this stuff already. I'm not talking the healthy fear here, nor do I believe Paul was when he wrote to Timothy in his epistle. Healthy fear God gives us to protect ourselves and is often in fact driven by power, love, and a sound mind as the reason for them in the first place. This other kind of fear is meant to throw you - to prevent you from doing the very thing God has called you to do. (Hence its evil root.)

The fear of other people is that kind of fear.

The Lord is on my side; I will not fear. What can man do to me?

(Psalm 118:6)

One of the most wonderful things about Scripture is that it sharply refocuses us in the way we should go. It helps me a lot when I need to humble myself and realize Who it is I'm living for in the first place, and why I'm doing the thing I'm doing at all. It all points back to Jesus.

And here's the thing about creating art.

Well, wait.

Let me clarify something here before going any further, because I would hear a lot of people talking about their art for four years in college, and let me tell you, though I respect it, it was enough for a lifetime of nausea because it got too abstract to even follow. So if this talk makes you glaze over, I understand that. You may be reading this as an architect or an accountant and think the closest thing to art that you create is when you get the perfect frosting to cake ratio (which, friends, is art, lest ye judge). I'm focusing on talking about artists in this post as my main examples, yes, but this also applies to anything YOU create or do masterfully for the Lord. It can be as daring as writing music or a novel and as seemingly miniscule as a craft project you make with your little girl. It can be the project you're handing in for your boss, or the way you rock that spreadsheet you made for your church. Or, sure let's go there, a status update. The potential for fear of rejection and failure lies in all aspects of creation. I create art and will reference what I know, but it truly is a sweeping term for anything at all you create - everything we do can and should be used as a means of worship simply by the way we approach it and use it to glorify the Lord and please Him. Hopefully that makes sense.

Back to what I was saying. The thing about creating art is that it is specific to you. Before the beginning of time God knew you and knew what He wanted to do with your life. What gifts and strengths He wanted to give you. And He gave them to you. Our lives are meant to be so many things for Him, but one of those things is delighting in and getting to experience and uncover all of the aspects of the gifts He gave us. We get to spend each day discovering something new - a greater depth, a different angle, a different way to reach someone. We have the blessings of growth and satisfaction and struggle and grappling with and figuring out the raw material He gives us until before our very eyes, beauty appears.

Your little girl smiles when all you saw were awkward hands twisting a pipe cleaner into an unidentifiable shape.

Your boss pulls you aside and notes your special attention to detail with a pat on the back.

Someone tells you your monologue wrecked them in the best possible way, or your song brought them to tears of healing and to their knees in praise.

All for His glory.

And see, those were examples when man responds to you. Those are the things we hope for - and the absence of those things, the sheer possibility of them not coming through to fruition, is where the fear begins. If you get such tangible feedback, praise God! What a great and joyful gift.

But a lot of the time we don't get that.

Which leads us back to making sure we ask ourselves Who it is we're working for, and why we're so afraid.

I've talked on this blog before about some of the ways in which I've struggled with myself and who I am. I'll be vulnerable again.

Recently I accidentally found myself looking at some pictures from high school. You know, the woops, hit the backwards arrow on Facebook instead of forwards and suddenly hello, I am now confronted with the oldest pictures available of me. Glorious. (And I also say accidentally because who voluntarily looks at pictures of themselves from high school? Unless those were your greatest times. Then you may carry on.)

But as I was clicking through them, I noticed something. I was really happy then, and I wasn't all that self conscious. And I was "creating" all of the time. I was constantly exploring new songs and aspects of my voice, I watched a ton of inspiring YouTube videos. I read a lot. I experimented with fashion even though I'm sure it did NOT work a lot of the time. I once wrote a song for my AP English teacher and actually RAPPED it with a hat twisted to the side for my entire class, the English class below mine, and the poor unsuspecting pupils in the school library who probably weren't asking for that.

I didn't have fear.

Or maybe a better way to word it is that my courage outweighed my fear.

Though maybe I'd do that rapping thing again.

But the point is, you're supposed to get better with all of this as you get older, right? Not necessarily. Or at least, maybe not in every way.

God has molded and shaped me into a person I am pretty proud of today, exclusively and only because of His grace and mercy towards me. And also His PATIENCE. And His giving my dad patience.

I went through experiences after high school of hardship and difficulty that really matured me and taught me so much about my life, my family, and most important of all, my relationship with God. My closeness with Christ increased tenfold, which is, of course, paramount. But some of my experiences also caused me to lose that really unfiltered part of myself that I once confidently put out into the world like it was no big deal. Things weren't perfect when I was in high school. A whole lot was going on, actually. For me, yes, but mostly for the ones I love the most. I guess the difference then was that I didn't allow my circumstances to negatively impact my person.

And I think some of the spark of that person got dimmed - or maybe altered - along the way.

As we get older, we start to learn what rejection looks like. We leave our comforts, whether real or built-up to soothe ourselves. We will feel unstable, and this will give way to fear. We start to fear what others will do to our hearts if we give them out. And people will bruise them. People will do bad things to us and to others, and we'll soak that all in as it informs who we are and who we become.

But we have to remember that we don't live our lives for people. We have to remember that people and their opinions and their status and their friends and their promise are nothing compared to the magnificent Almighty God who created all things and the promises that He gives. Those are what we can stand on. Those are what will never change. While we need to learn the lessons God brings to us in this life, and make sure we aren't naive and that we develop our appropriate healthy fears, we cannot for one moment lose the innate and beautiful spirit that God created in us before we breathed our first gasps of air on this earth.

Because no one else truly can create what you can create. No one else can give God the glory that you specifically can in the way that you specifically were meant to.

Please don't try to hide the person God made you to be. Imagine the woe that brings to Him who created you so intricately and gave you such gifts! I am not saying you should live as though you alone are God's gift to mankind, but to shrink away isn't the right choice either. You were made to humbly work unto Him using all that He gave you. It allows His splendor to truly and wonderfully shine greater than we could ever imagine and work in ways and lives deeper than we can even understand.

And hey, I'm selfishly asking you not to hide as well. Because I want to see your creations, too.

Let's bless His heart and bless the hearts of others with our respective gifts as we go forward triumphantly being the people that He created us to be. Can you imagine all of us doing this, together?

Aww yeah.

Source

^{14 "}You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. ¹⁵ Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.¹⁶ In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that^[ they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."

(Matthew 5:14-16)

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And some more favorites of mine...

¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. (Ephesians 2:10)

^{14 "}For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father's house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?" (Esther 4:14)