Displaced Loyalties

There are few things more frustrating than when someone gets you all wrong, and there’s no convincing them otherwise. It could be about the most trivial of things, but in that moment, based on that judgment, an entire assessment is made of your character. What could you possibly say more than “That’s not true!” and “You’re so wrong about that!”, if you are to even attempt to say anything at all?

When this happens, immediately the pressure builds in the sinuses and throat, and all you wish to do is cry. But you can’t. So now not only can you not defend yourself, but all hopes of relief are futile.

Then your mind clicks over into this frightening and detached numbness of a new gear. Thoughts of “how to fix this” and ways in which you can now appease the accuser, even betray yourself and agree with them, or simply and desperately try to distract and move on, all take place inside your brain. At that point, since nothing seems as though it can be done, you need to move on, away from this death trap, lest you become undone.

You feel humiliated, and betrayed, and most significant of all, you no longer trust. No one is safe. You thought this person was. This person who, despite your best wishes, you fear knows you best. But the self cannot be succumbed to this person any more. Suddenly thoughts of “how many more times will this cycle continue” flood through, a haunting remembrance that you’ve walked this street before.

You allow this person’s fear of losing you as their own and their desire to “preserve” you to stunt all hopes of your own freedom. Though no judgment is your agreement, judgment abounds. If cornered and asked if they held the reins tightly on your life, the answer would be no, of course not. They are  their own person. They can make their own decisions. But of course the invisible cords strangle, choke, and bind you to their power.

And all of this from the person who professes that no other’s words are more important to their souls than their Creator’s. Their Creator. What would He have to say about this?

Is it at all possible that the accuser is telling you the truth? Truth that is so vile to your ear and so repellant to your soul that you instead choose anger, defense, and resentment as your silent and internal rebuttal?

Or is that reflection of circumstance onto your own shortcomings merely manipulation at it’s absolute finest, mind games at their absolute and utmost destruction?

The words he spoke alone said one simple, biting thing to your heart, but the subtext was an even harsher potion to swallow:

 “You disgust me, and you are worthless. And don’t you dare ever think otherwise, lest you be an absolute greater fool than you already are.”

Satan lies. Choose to passionately resist him for all the rest of your days.

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. 

[1 Peter 5: 8-9]