Liminal Space

It is amazing to me how certain places (literal, physical places) find us without a song in our heart.

I’ve gone back and forth from one pseudo home to another a lot in the past month and a half, for reasons both heart-wrenching and factual. I’ve laid down my head in one place and another, trying to make the transitions when they came seamless and emotionally solid but fumbling awkwardly to do so. When I am on one sidewalk I am convinced it is the place I should be. When I’m on the other, that is where I am my best self. I’ve stared off like little children do when they’re tired, not aware of the fact that their eyes are still open and you’re trying to talk to them as they look slightly to your left in a daze, their minds taking a break. I wonder, in that liminal space, when in fact it is that I will marry the two selves, the two life places I battle between.

When life throws you tragedy externally and you’ve already been struggling with known crises internally, the process is both startling to the system and not at all unfamiliar, all at once. It is a new grief, but not unlike the one you’ve been living with. Just a different subject matter, and perhaps, in certain moments, a never before experienced new concept of sadness as a result. You find you are this young person trapped in the midst of age-old heaviness and weight. You have experienced the depths of this place for what feels like eternity, and are shocked upon waking to the actual truth of its comparatively brief duration.

Almost jarringly to yourself and perhaps even others, you find a levity here that’s borderline inappropriate. A capacity to find the humorous and the upbeat in music and empty conversation. Never once will I be taken for a neuroscientist, but I’d wager it is the brain’s necessary response to counterbalance weight with light.

So, to find somewhere in the middle? That’s probably best. That is what I pray for, the middle line of grief and peace. Enough grief to keep you sober-minded, enough peace to point to Christ in your every moments.

Gradually, I’d imagine, you will find the peace outweighs the grief. But the grief must remain if you are to be fully alive, if you are to appreciate Jesus, if you are to extend yourself to other souls with hanging heads themselves.

Perhaps this unusual space is what God intended. Perhaps this is what growing up looks like. Perhaps this is how we, as fallen as we are, are purified through the fire, are purified to become like Christ.

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¹⁰ For you, O God, have tested us;
    you have tried us as silver is tried.
¹¹ You brought us into the net;
    you laid a crushing burden on our backs;
¹² you let men ride over our heads;
    we went through fire and through water;
yet you have brought us out to a place of abundance.

Psalm 66:10-12

Emotions Taking You Over

Spring is in the air and so are allergies and lots of emotions.

Wait, that's not how that goes.

But does anyone else feel this way? The extra side dish of emotions part mainly, though the allergy struggle is real for some people. But back to the emotions. As I stepped out to run (of course, because one would think it is my only reference point) I was overcome with hope in the most cliche way imaginable. My legs felt fresh after a day of rest, I felt the sun on my face in what felt like the first time in years. I felt God's warmth in boundless ways and in general I just felt so extremely open to the world around me. It was a wonderful feeling, to sum it all up in inadequately underwhelming terms.

If I was a different type of person I would probably say something to the effect of: I put all of my good energy out into the world and I just felt that the world would give it right on back to me. 

Now I personally don't believe or think that the world itself gives us things any more than my elbow gives me the gift of sleep because it bends the right way on Thursdays. But I would guess that how I felt for those moments today is similar to that type of belief system. I felt so synchronized with God in that moment, so connected and in tune with His heart and the Savior's love, even if I couldn't tack that down or put it into words. It was as if I felt the kindness of the slightest hint of a whisper of an inkling from Him that everything would be okay and good, and right.

The moment was fleeting. That's real life. That's humanity. That's us finding our own ways to break our harmony with our Creator and spoil things. But of course, God knows and understands and even wills that we don't stay too elevated in an unrealistic way for too long. We tend to forget Him up there.

I started to get tired, my music was boring me, I skipped songs one too many times on Spotify so I was now resigning my workout to Elton John's "Your Song" (which, while beautiful, wasn't motivating me to break any Olympic world records any time soon).

But we learn when we come back down from our lofty places. Soon, despite the day that was still beautiful, the gratitude and happiness I was feeling shifted to insecurity and racing thoughts and confusing emotions that weren't necessarily bad, but distracting. I felt more or less bombarded in a way that is difficult to describe. It was seemingly uncaused and un-triggered, and just sort of crippling in its own sort of way.  It's nothing crazy, and I have some ideas about what it is. A potential idea is that I think being in a captivating culture can delay or postpone our experiencing things in real time, and if we do that enough for whatever our reason might be, be it intentional or experiential, it can all sort of mount up over time. Maybe my calm from the day made me relaxed enough to let the figurative floodgates open. I'm not sure. This kind of thing has happened to me since I was little. I get a little overwhelmed with emotions and don't know quite what to do with them. Of course back then, I probably just imitated Celine Dion or Cher to my father to let out some energy, but I digress.

I didn't do that this time.

-the world collectively applauds-

-Joey's dignity(?) remains intact-

But what I did end up doing was muster up enough sense to quickly mutter:

"Lord, take these thoughts and feelings. Sort them. Help give me a calm and clarity about them. Use the energy of the frenzy for your good and not my sabotage."

And it occurred to me that sometimes that's all you have to do. While I had a lot of questions and excitements and wonderings that I didn't have conclusions or answers to, and while there were and are needs I was feeling that weren't met in that instant, I focused on what I did know, which was that Jesus could help me with them. As both a man and our Lord, I knew that Jesus had felt everything I was experiencing and more, and understood what I needed to do to cope with and process it all. Of course, I personally didn't bring myself to His feet in that impulse to pray. I can't give myself that much credit. But He knew and He planted that thought, knowing it would be for my best, and He summoned me to pray that prayer. Because that is His kindness.

Soon after that, I wasn't all that overwhelmed anymore. It wasn't immediate, and because I was running I almost didn't even realize the transition. Elton John asked me numerous times if I minded if he told everyone that this was my song, I said no of course not but thank you for asking, and I carried out the rest of my day feeling peaceful and well.

Prayer isn't a magic pill, but it is an inexplicable joining together of our earthbound selves and the heavenly places of our Lord when we speak with Him. It isn't a quick fix, but it is an entrance into the majesty and hidden things of God's kingdom. And where the Lord is, there is not only freedom, but there is power, and there is ability where there once was none to be found within us. It brings us to a vulnerable position before our Father to remind us of where we stand before and in relation to all that He is. It reminds us in our overwhelmed moments how much we need Him. That we can't go this thing alone -- not even a simple run on some days.

I don't know what it is about the changing of seasons specifically that can do this to a person. Maybe it isn't the seasons at all. But whatever it is, it's kind of wonderful. With a new season in the world we are also given a new season and gift of life on this earth. A new season with freedom to worship, freedom to walk out our front door and run. These are blessings not all are guaranteed. I am encouraged and inspired by days like today where I know that whatever new and exciting things await, or even whatever overwhelming and plentiful feelings I feel, He is with me and guiding me and helping me manage them. And because I know He's with me, that's never a scary thing.

If you feel overwhelmed right now, remember you can ask God to give you grace for each moment, for each second, for each inhale. There is no shame in that, nor disgrace. These are often the times that shape us most, and it all depends on what we do with them. Though we so easily forget, we are beings that have been created to need Him.

Always remember that the Lord desires communion with us, and He is happy to oblige as we look to Him for strength. Jesus died so we could.

Source

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^"13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."  (1 Corinthians 10:13)

^"5 We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ..." (2 Corinthians 10:5)

An Insight Unplanned

I’m kind of fixated on this idea of numbness and how we aren’t to succumb to it. I’ve found I kind of touch on it here and there when I write, ironically never going too deep or unpacking it too fully as a way to side step further pains and hurts that might well up within me. Go figure, right? Perpetuating the cycle of avoidance.

It is just so pervasive in the lives of each one of us - the autopilot doing and saying of things with nary a thought for their consequence, of what we’re doing. Of why. We go through our days avoiding our hurts and avoiding our healing. Because it’s easier that way. Because we’re scared of them. Because maybe, maybe, revisiting some real things will make us hurt worse.

But I had a phone call recently that kind of tore me up. It snapped me out of my preoccupations (and how small we suddenly realize they truly are when these things happen to us). But it also warmed me, for the mere fact that it cut right to my heart and awakened my senses and awareness of God’s truth and love in a way that was so right, albeit incredibly painful. It’s sick and wonderful and terrible all at the same time, life is.

But it’s really healing to courageously enter into hearing and feeling the truth about things. Hearing God’s truth about things.

Taking time to assess where He’s been with us all along. Where we left Him outside in the cold, when the moment was where we allowed Him to enter in and dine with us. What those times looked like. How our choices led to consequences we may still be facing, consequences loved ones may be facing -- and how to pick up those pieces now. How to walk forward with Jesus, even if you’re.. well, sad.

I’ve always been sort of silently proud of myself for being a really aware person. Its hindered my well-being at times, because I think about everything. I often take something and sprint a thousand steps ahead - always trying to prepare myself, always trying to think things through, to be ready.

It’s self-preservation. It’s so people don’t hurt me. It’s so I don’t hurt other people. 

After all, If you think of everything first - if you think of your answers, your side of things first- you’re always prepared. You’re always right. You don’t make a fool of yourself.

Take that, world. Right? No. Not right.

Because I have news for you, for myself - that’s not when life happens. And it’s not right to do. I don’t think once has God ever allowed things to pan out in exactly the way I tried to imagine they would. Not out of spite, or to shame me. But simply because His ways are better, His ways are higher - and mine are flawed, mine are sinful. My ways are not meant to be the right ways.There will always be, fundamentally, at its core, a problem in whatever I conjure up in my own strength.

And to try to doesn’t teach us to trust Him.

So this conversation I had took me out of a numbness I didn’t fully know that I was living in to begin with. I didn’t prepare for it, I couldn’t. It humbled me in my pride. Because I’m not aware, not really. It’s a lie to think that I am. I think discernment, however, is real and an art, a gift from the Lord - but that’s what it is. Awareness is Him helping me, it isn’t me.

And so sometimes, He causes circumstances to take us out of ourselves.

In my case, no conclusion was drawn. No solutions uncovered. 

But I was gently reminded of my wounds that I ignore as I let them scab over as I go for a run, go to work. I was reminded of the love I had for this dear individual that runs so deeply. I was reminded of the fallen world we’re in, and how it has hurt that person, how it has hurt me.

But you know something important? It also taught me the Gospel in a new way. It made me sit amazed at the glory of how unaware I’ve been that God has held us even when we didn’t even care to look to see Him there.

It made everything within me scream for answers, scream for peace.

Scream and reach out desperately for Good News.

And I delighted through tears to discover that it is already here. More than just that - it is dwelling inside of me, it takes residence within me, it walks each step with me, because of Jesus.

And somehow, some way, it encouraged me to be still in all that I don’t know and to remember what it is that I do.

That I need to trust Him. That I need to obey Him. That I need to walk with Him. Even in situations that don’t seem even faintly related to my “big problems”. Because that’s the point. He is faithful to us in those things so we are faithful to Him in all things. Suddenly, it’s all connected.

So I am grateful for what I don’t plan now, because our good, kind, and gracious Lord holds all of our moments, all of our phone calls -- and erases all of our sins in Christ.  He won’t let us stay there, in our grime, in our depths. And He works those brushed aside and pushed away details of our lives out for our good.

And when we begin to walk in the light, as much as we want to, we simply cannot take these moments of clarity we experience - our moments of “awakening” - and forcefully bottle them up to keep ourselves in this good place, to hold us in this discerning and seeing place forever. Our moments of glory won’t stay with us as we command them like a household pet to “stay”.

“Stay, please. So I don’t forget you. You are so important to remember.”

We can’t deify our moments. We were not intended to.

Because our thirst for clarity and hunger for wisdom and burning for insight into our matters and our sunshine-soaked moments has really just been our hunger and thirst and burning for Christ all along. And we may not be able to force these moments to stay, but we can walk with Him and abide in Him, the Source of our moments. The giver of truth and Truth Himself.

We can walk in the light as He is in the light. That we can do.

So do yourself a favor and welcome the phone calls. Not because they won’t be painful. But because they will be.

And because above all else no matter what happens, Christ is there.

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²⁴ So for the second time they called the man who had been blind and said to him, “Give glory to God. We know that this man is a sinner.” ²⁵ He answered, “Whether he is a sinner I do not know. One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see.”

 (John 9:24-25, emphasis mine)

Take A Few Minutes

And watch this video. The quality isn't great, but it doesn't even matter. It is truly one of the best (and shall I say beneficially creepiest?) things I've seen in a long time. It will stay with you.

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^"10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. ¹¹ Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. ¹² For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm."  (Ephesians 6:10-13)

Feelin' Kinda Mental

When I write, oftentimes I set out not yet knowing the "answer" or conclusion for whatever it is I am writing about. I was listening to a podcast a couple of weeks ago where the author was saying that there are two kinds of writers - those who discover with the reader, and those who are more or less just informing the reader. I thought that was interesting. One writing style invites others in much more than the other. One encourages more of the,"Oh yeah! Me too! How neat!" moments, and the other potentially leads to easier disengagement. One isn't better than the other, necessarily, but it is interesting to consider nonetheless.

Gosh, that was all very nerdy and non-essential.

I am no authority on anything I write about whatsoever, of course. I think that goes without saying. So it's fairly obvious that I have no place informing anyone and it is therefore also obvious that I would be more of the first kind of writer. I just write from my observations and experiences and inspiration from God, and hope that maybe someone out there cares to join me on the journey. (Though let's face it, the word journey makes me cringe and cry a little because I sound like a New Agey spiritual advisor. Yet I soldier on.)

Anywho.

In that regard, my latest little "journey" into the unknown has been something I have been thinking a lot about lately, and that is the connection and difference between head-knowledge and heart-knowledge Christianity.

I have recently met a lot of people who came from a particular megachurch and have made the transition over to my new church, which is much smaller and intimate in nature and not megachurchy in the slightest. And each person I have talked to (none of which knew each other prior) more or less told me the same thing.

"I felt so disconnected there. Here, everyone is just so...friendly. I actually feel important."

Aaah!

That comment made me so sad-happy. I get kind of angry and riled up about the popular youth-centric churches of today, if I'm being honest. Not because of their popularity of course, but because of what they're actually saying from behind the pulpit. Who their leaders are. What topics they avoid. What their goals are. It's just one of those things that is an extra burden on my heart -- when truth is compromised for volume. When lights and concert vibe take the stead of solid, Biblical teaching, and tons and tons of lives are misled and arguably completely messed up as a result.

When I was in college and lived in this particular dorm one year, I used to look out of my bedroom window and see said megachurch's line wrapped around the corner from across the street. I had no idea what the line was for at first; I thought it was for some concert or something. Turns out it was the evening service for this church. Something irked me right then and there. If I checked it out, would I even get in? Don't those people feel alone being one of so many? Why is this being treated like a spectacle or a social event? Needless to say I researched the church and watched a sermon from the head pastor online, and have periodically checked in with their doctrine and viewpoints since then (kind of hoping they changed their minds or that I was wrong the first time), listening to interviews and reading articles about what they believe and why they do the things they do. Quite truthfully, it has been nothing short of disappointing. They boldly and even boastfully compromise God's word or make up their own rules. This confuses so many souls - especially more impressionable, young ones and new believers - and leads so many astray in the name of Christianity.

Thankfully, I am seeing God deliver some of those people out of that church and into the doors of my own, a much different sort of church. Same demographic, perhaps, but completely different in approach to the Christian faith and teaching.

(I am not saying that my church is the only sound, Bible-based church and superior to all others, of course. I also pray that those who aren't coming to mine in particular are leaving to attend other awesome and sound churches in the area as well.)

One of the things about that megachurch in particular is this kind of bizarre sensationalism that frankly, creeps me out. Everything seems like a "mountaintop experience"only -- a thrill-seeking, me-centered indulgence. Oh The Spirit is moving, friends, and you better believe it or at least raise your hands and pretend.

How isolating is that? What if you aren't feeling on fire that night? Will you not belong? Are you any less important, or any less saved?

Of course not. But it would be easy to feel that way.

I can best describe the overall pulse of that church as being predominantly heart-led Christians. Christians who are navigating more or less exclusively by their feelings and not by truth. It just so happens that those feelings are generally happy, bouncy, shouty, and I'm sure if I tried I could think of four more words that end in y that would complete this group of very unrealistic seven dwarves.

But then there's also the overly-intellectual Christians. They could tell you all sorts of theology and doctrinal theories and quote Scripture to you beautifully, but they don't exhibit the love of Christ in their actions. Kind of Pharisaic.

Honestly, I fear both.

I think to one degree or another, we all find ourselves occasionally not smack dab in the middle of these two extremes which is most preferable. Some days, we lean more towards going through the motions and worshipping because we know we always should. Other days, we find ourselves the hypocrite, talking and advising others about love without noticing the log in our own eye.

For me, in unbalanced times I'd say I probably lean more towards having a somewhat-decent amount of head knowledge and struggling to love and do kind and good things. Struggling to respond the right way, to be quiet when I need to (oh man...THAT), to be merciful toward others and show them grace even if we think they don't deserve it.

And then be like, "We love because He first loved us!!!!"

Kidding. I hope.

Just uh, y'know, let me know. Tell me the truth in love privately..

While I really pray I'm not that annoying about it when I'm not in a good way, I do know that it can be hard to sync what we profess to believe and our actions. James said that "faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead" (James 2:17).

Look at the passage in full:

¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? ¹⁵ If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food,¹⁶ and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? ¹⁷ So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

¹⁸ But someone will say, “You have faith and I have works.” Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works.

Well dang. Leave it to James to conviction-hit us right between the eyes.

So basically, I've been brainstorming ways to counteract this head-Christianity. Because when I do feel that way, I hate it. I prayed about writing this post, because like I said, I did not go to Moody Bible Institute. I have a degree in Drama.

But there's also a lot of talk of foolish things being used for God's glory so, hey, here I am.

Anyway, here is what I have found may be helpful to guard against, well - a hard heart? A faith blip? A spiritual severance, if you will :

1. Community.

I know a few people who really love to serve others. It comes naturally for them. They have the impulse and follow through, instead of simply just having the impulse. It is so good to surround ourselves with people like this, because it gets us out of our heads and finally walking the walk of Christ. When we have friends and those around us with a heart for other people, we see their steps of faith and maybe even imitate them at first until it becomes routine for us, too. Soon enough, we find ourselves with the heart of a servant. Also, if we are involved in a church community that values outreach and serving others and volunteer work, chances are their priorities are in check and we will have a good model of others-centered living there as well. Beginning to serve others in any capacity, even what may seem as small as taking care of a sick loved one, helps our heart expand and bleed over into all other areas of our lives.

^{Jesus said: "14} If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. ¹⁵ For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. ¹⁶ Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. ¹⁷ If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them." (John 13:14-17)


2. Prayer, duh.

Pray and ask God to give you a heart that understands the Gospel at your very core. Pray to BE the new creation we are told that we become in Christ Jesus when we follow Him. Pray to know what that looks like, and to actually feel that difference in ourselves. Full disclosure, I prayed this recently. So often I feel I come up short being that new person 2 Corinthians 5:17 declares that we are. We revert to old behaviors, we don't always walk in the light. But that's where grace comes in. Because we are Christ's,  the Holy Spirit is constantly molding and shaping us into the people we were created to be as sons and daughters of the living God. When we mess up, though we try not to, we can rest assured that His grace is sufficient for us, and that His power is made perfect in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) These words and promises of Scripture are so beautiful to hear and peace-giving to the heart, yes -- but praying that God would allow us to physically understand and live them is on a whole other level of spiritual maturation. Let's pray this, and simultaneously please the Lord as we do so, too.

We can pray as David did:

"Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
    be acceptable in your sight,
    O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." (Psalm 19:14)

3. Scripture.

Doesn't it feel like every Christian list is basically the same as what I'm doing? Community. Prayer. Scripture. Next I'm probably going to say worship, right? Seriously, I sat here and thought about what I wanted for this list without intentionally doing the same old thing, and I looked at it and laughed at my unoriginality. But there's something to that. God creates such beautiful examples and patterns for us to follow, and those examples (and the points in this list) all come from His Word. His Word is where we are taught how to pray, and where we are told we are new creations in Christ to begin with. It is where we receive our "divine revelation", as my pastor says. The things we cannot know from natural revelation. It is where we read the lives of the saints over the span of many years and see where they fell away, slipped up, or maintained their focus on the Lord and what that looked like for them. The saints of the Bible are not different from who we are today. We may not worship a golden calf (please, no no), but we sure worship lots of other things that aren't Christ. We are certainly tempted as they were, too. And we also certainly have the capacity to worship and praise and live for Him as radically as they did. The examples we can study and follow are endless, but we can only acquaint ourselves with and be encouraged by them if we study His Word. Once we do, we can begin to bring these individuals to mind and allow those accounts to change us as we endeavor to physically do more for His kingdom in our own lives.

To be really encouraged, definitely read Hebrews 11 - an overview of the "heroes of faith" who were obedient to the promises God gave them by acting on their faith, not simply appreciating their head knowledge of His words.


4. Worship.

I had to. Not because I'm sassy like that, but because it's true. Worship, in short, takes the focus off of ourselves and onto our Creator. It can stop the most selfish or heady days dead in their tracks. Whether we close our eyes and listen to worship music, sing to him, or even use our own specific and unique gifts consciously and intentionally for His glory, we are serving our King and giving Him ourselves. For me, it is almost impossible to get too heady when I'm worshipping. This is not the megachurch potentially-fake stuff, like I touched on before. That style of worship implies it's the only way to go about it as you simultaneously turn into Super Christian. While the Bible talks about making melody to the Lord and shouting and singing and playing instruments for Him and that is completely wonderful and beautiful, worship is the sort of thing that we all have the capacity to do differently. We are all different people, and all know how we worship "best". (By that I just mean how we most easily feel relaxed and free to connect to the Lord without our insecurities getting in the way.) So keep that music pumping, enjoy quiet stillness, go for a walk in nature, whatever that may be for you. I find that there's no better way to hit reset on your day and get out of your own headspace than when we humble ourselves and say "thank you" to God in worship.

One of my faves:

"The Lord is my strength and my shield;

in him my heart trusts, and I am helped; 

my heart exults, 

and with my song I give thanks to him."

(Psalm 28:7)

5. Nike.

Just do it.

Really though! Okay, perhaps the better word is obedience. Our pastor talked about this in service yesterday, and one of the things he said then and another time before has really stuck with me. He thinks that in our culture especially, there is so much grace-based theology that seems to kind of omit or gently brush aside the need for obedience, too. I.e., the megachurch example, for one. But when we are obedient and not just resting our laurels on grace alone, we do not allow ourselves to take advantage of our Lord's forgiveness as His children. We have freedom to do all things, yes, but our freedom is meant for obedience to Jesus. And part of this obedience involves a little sub-category of:

• Repentance. My pastor also explained to us that to repent literally means to change your mind and way of thinking about a situation. When we repent, we are acknowledging to the Lord that we haven't been faithful to do all that He has called us to do up until this point. That we have been agreeing with our heads and not showing love in our actions. That we try and we mess up and need Him to change our way of thinking, and as a result, change the actions of our bodies, too. And He is faithful. He will do it. But until we draw near to Him in humility and repentance, we won't experience or understand the grace from Him toward us that we first need in order to show that grace and love toward others.

We learned yesterday that obedience brings: 

courage

confidence

integrity

unity

order

the favor of God

I truly cannot think of too many better assets to have in our arsenal as we endeavor to be brave and intentional as we act out our faith. And because of the God we serve, we can know with certainty that He will equip us where we are called and give us the grace that we need to do so each moment of our lives. 

I won't end this with some great commission to go forth and prosper. Jesus did a better job of that than I ever could. But I will thank you for taking "the journey" (egh) with me. And I will sympathize with you for how frustrating it can be to love the Lord so much and feel as though you sometimes have this huge disconnect between your mind and your heart. But Jesus truly knew we would experience this imperfection and so much else when He died for us - and He died anyway. We can take heart knowing our Savior lives and loves us and forgives us, and will bless our commitment and desire to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength. I will not only sympathize with you, but I will also promise to be a part of that journey with you - not just being a hearer only of the Word, but a doer as well.

²² But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. ²⁴ For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. ²⁵ But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing.

(James 1:22-25)

Source

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^{34 "}A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. ³⁵ By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” (John 13:34-35, the words of Jesus)

³⁰ And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”  (Mark 12:30-31, emphasis mine)

A Prayer

Heavenly Father,

Thank You for all that You are. Thank You for Your steadfast love, for Your unfailing kindness. For Your mercies that are new every morning. 

Thank You for each moment of life that You give to us - for each breath of air we take in. For every morning we are privileged to awaken and delight in, that we might have another day to discover more of You. For every footstep we walk in Your safety. Not one thing should we take for granted, Lord, for it is only because of Your kindness and Your goodness alone that we receive our moments. May we realize this, and forever give thanks and praise to You.

Thank you, Jesus, that we are able to come boldly to the throne room of our Father God. That Your greatness doesn't overpower us so that we are far away from You - that our sin no longer keeps us worlds away from Your heart. Thank you, Father, that because of Your Son that You take our filthy rags and see only the perfection of Christ. Thank You that You forget our sins when we confess them to You - that they are considered no more in Your sight and are not held against us.

Thank You for your grace. Forgive us when we strive and do things to try to pay You for the favor that we already have in You. Forgive us for our foolishness, our waywardness, and our ignorance. Please release us from the things that grieve Your Holy Spirit - that keep us from being the sons and daughters that You want us to be - that you intended us to be from the beginning of time.

Thank You that you always have a plan for us. That you will never let us be snatched from Your strong hands. Thank You for caring for us far more than the sparrows and the lilies of the field. Thank You for not giving us stones instead of bread. Thank You Jesus for going to prepare a home for us, a place with many rooms - thank You for the relief that is ours as we embrace the truth of all of these things.

Forgive us our unconfessed sins, Father. Forgive us for all of the grievances to You that pass even beyond our own consciousness. For the times we spoke in pride, or elevated ourselves, either intentionally or unintentionally. May we learn the humility and servanthood of Christ. May You forever and always increase as we decrease. 

May we learn from Your loving rod of discipline, realizing fully that our trials are also our refining, which will lead us to our deeper joy.

May we not resent our place, but always find our contentment in You.

May we run fully from anything that keeps us from further Oneness with You.

Abba Father, I pray that we see You as the tender and loving Father that You are, and not the cruel and distant dictator that the world portrays You to be. May we renounce the lies of evil, never giving in to our senseless fears and anxieties, knowing that You, Jesus, are the Good Shepherd, who laid down His life for His sheep.

May we not second guess Your promises. May we not qualify them with our"what ifs" or "but maybes"- may we not try to alter them on our terms. Teach us how to stand. Equip us with the powerful recall of Your inspired Word that is stronger than any sword against the principalities of evil swirling around us.

Protect our families on earth, father. Biological or chosen or both. Provide them with health physically, spiritually, and mentally. Let us be at least as nurturing for them as they have been for us - but with Your help, let us be even more so. Let us always give more than we think we should, knowing it won't even come close to what You give to us. May we be selfless enough to not only know these things but to do them, and aware enough to know we need You to help us.

And dear Lord, please please bless those who do not have families, or have not yet found their own to come alongside them on this earth. Fill their lonely hearts with the knowledge and revelation of You as they find their true completion in You.

May all seeking and broken hearts rest in You, knowing You are where all searching can cease. May we have hearts that trust in You, knowing that You won't hurt us the way the world hurts us.

May we know our value in You, in your Son, Jesus. And may we feel that love - not as a pride point, to inflate ourselves as chosen ones, but simply as a foundational place to begin, and upon which we can build that foundation with all spiritual fruit and blessing in order to please You, our good Father.

May we know how to forgive, remembering always the vast and incredible way in which we were forgiven.

May we be still enough to hear Your voice and strong enough to seek Your direction before consulting anyone else.

May we seek always to find ways to bless You, never forgetting that it is very possible to bring You joy.

May we develop hearts for the ones that are harder for us to love. Somehow, some way, with Your help.

May we be a committed and intentional people, not taking lightly the hearts and minds and feelings of others as we interact with them in word or deed. 

May we learn to consider others more than ourselves. May we walk humbly with You all the days of our lives. May we be expectant for hope that is to come. May we be kind when we don't feel kind, and grateful when we wonder why. May we be encouragers to others when we don't feel strength for ourselves.

May we be at peace and filled with joy as we go about our activities in You.

May we rest deeply and soundly knowing our bodies and souls are protected by You.

May we ever-rejoice knowing You withhold no good thing from your children.

Lord, please keep us pure, keep us focused, and keep us well. 

And above all else -  may we endeavor to know more and more how to love like You love, Jesus.

For it is in Your Holy and Precious Name I pray and ask these things,

Amen.

Source

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"God is our refuge and strength,
    a very present help in trouble.
 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
    though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
 though its waters roar and foam,
    though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah

 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
    the holy habitation of the Most High.
 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
    God will help her when morning dawns." 
         
            (Psalm 46:1-5)